I've been reading a handful of blogs for over 2 months now. Reading everyone's stories and experiences (the good and bad, the highs and lows, and the funny and scary) has been . . comforting? I hate to say that someone else struggling gives me any kind of comfort, but I can truly sympathize with so much of what I have read. Maybe encouraging or inspiring is a better adjective. The parents, the kids, the caretakers - everyone that deals with T1 24/7/365 are the only other people that can truly understand some of the feelings I have. And being part of the DOC (I am such a dork that typing that made me smile - I kind of feel cool :) - anyway it helps me (attempt) to understand some of the feelings that Grace is having and might have in the future. I hate not understanding what she is going through. I hate even more that I can not "fix" it. But, knowing this allows me to be as supportive as I can and try to hold her hand along the way.
I've had a few heartbreaking diabetes moments this past week. I'm just going to get them off my chest & let the blog carry the weight of a being a parent of a CWD.
- My youngest daughter (16 months old) got her first blood sugar test. The poor thing can't be extra thirsty, have an extra wet diaper or randomly throw up without me thinking it is diabetes related. What sibling, other than a brother or sister of a T1 kid, has to get a sugar test for wanting more juice? OK, to my credit, it was all of these things at one time plus the doctor recording her age incorrectly and saying she was concerned about her weight, and an infection, but still!?
- A conversation I had with Grace this weekend went like this:
Grace "Mommy, your not going to like what I have to say."
Mom "What is it?"
Grace "Your not going to like it"
Mom "Honey, you can tell me anything, what is it?"
Grace "I hate having Diabetes"
BREAK MY HEART :(
- Sunday shopping with Grace. We had a blast, she's a little diva picking out clothes, jewelry and all the accessories to go with it for Mom, sister, and herself. She loved it (me too). Why can't we share a GUILT FREE cookie before we head to the car? Yes she was 303 for some reason, but we did it anyway. She enjoyed every minute of it & I sat there holding back the tears knowing we shouldn't be having that cookie.
- Now Monday night. Our fist meeting to see what the girl scouts are all about. She is sooo excited to be a Daisy. We were talking about the meeting before bed and she said "Oh you forgot to tell the teacher I had diabetes." I told her that I would definitely talk to the leader when we found out who it was. I also told her that I would go to the meetings as long as needed. She said, what will we do? I can't read yet. (She was talking about knowing if she was low). She also said we can just use the same needle over and over and over again. (She can do her sugar tests, but can't change the lancet needle yet). Then she slowly got sadder and sadder and finally said, I don't want to go on the nature hikes. I did convince her that I would be there with her & that she wouldn't miss out on anything . . but still?
- Now my last heart breaker. W were at dinner and getting ready to dose (Gracie is on shots). The temps have dropped this week and we are wearing long sleeves. For anyone else, this is no big deal, but come shot time, She either has to pull her arm out and lift her shirt, pull her pants down slightly for a bum shot or pull them way down for a leg shot. We never hid doing her shots, but as she's getting older, understandably, she doesn't want to lift shirt or drop her pants. We talked about it and mom and dad are going to work on belly shots (she only lets one of her old teachers do belly shots) which will be a little more discreet at a restaurant, but still this is just another thing she has to think about and deal with. I know I'm not the only one, but I so wish my little one didn't have to deal with the BS.
OK - so for now, I am going to let these things go and deal with the new issues that will continue to pop up as she matures. I'll keep supporting Grace, doing the best I can at letting her be a kid.